I went from blogging every week to not touching my keyboard for months. Why?
It didn’t begin intentionally. I was just busy, the posts I was writing were rushed, with changing jobs and finishing my dissertation I was pretty busy. That excuse applied for several months. But it doesn’t work indefinitely. It has been a year of a lot of change- but I would be lying if I pretended I physically didn’t have time to sit and write.
Most of the time I’ve kept posting on Instagram as well which means going out in whatever weather, shooting content, editing, planning outfits- by no means effortless. So why was I willing to put time and effort into that but not my actual blog? I’ll be honest here…
1.Most key parts of my life have changed over the last year
Over the last year I’ve finished my degree. My identity for the first time in 17 years is not as a student. Doing a masters degree straight away wasn’t right for my mental health which was a tough pill (but the right pill) to swallow. But God I miss being a student. I miss debates, sinking my teeth into something new, conceptual learning and the camaraderie with my peers. I’ve always been ‘good’ at school. My job challenges me in lots of ways- but it’s not mentally challenging or stimulating in the way I miss. I’ve found myself on autopilot after riding the wave that was dissertation stress, then relief, then plateauing into not knowing what I’m aiming for.
I got my first post-uni job. No protective shield of ‘student’ or trainee- I was in charge. This is consuming in terms of literal, physical time and energy and also the intensity with which I focus my work. I’m a youth worker and feel a great weight of responsibility over the young people I work with. I try to be considerate to their feelings, to consider the weight behind all of my words, I see it as my job to know what is happening in their lives and support them through it. I love being a youth worker. But I’ve been guilty of pouring too much of myself into it. I often have to take a step back and ask myself what I’m rolemodelling. Committment to my job, sure, but young people can see that elsewhere- am I modelling self-care or work-life balance? Or am I just showing good capitalist committment to my job over myself? Ultimately, I kept veering into the latter and anything personal for a few months was definitely on the back burner.
I got into a relationship. Now I have a partner my priorities changed again free time after work became relationship time. The first few cloudy months of honeymoon phase involved me putting Project Jody bottom of the pile. This was my choice and I understand why I made it- but it was never something my partner expected for me, they’d feel awful to think they stood in my way. Again, it’s not that I didn’t have the time to blog, but everything else kept taking priority. Or more accurately, I kept giving everything else priority.
2. Investing is for long term rewards not short term gains
Blogging is a long process and some of my favourite bloggers have been going for a decade. You can spend hours writing and editing and thinking and get barely any clicks- especially as a newbie. It’s exhausting and disheartening to feel little to no reward for your hard work.
However I did get some great opportunities through blogging and sharing on social media- the fact that I let being frustrated overshadow those opportunities is sad, and I needed to engage with some harsh #realtalk to remind myself I hadn’t been blogging long- or to the best of my ability, and along the way I’d lost my willingness to. That was something I really needed to reconsider before I could start again.
3. I was blogging wrong
When you start researching into blogging everyone tells you to find your NICHE. Your niche being the focus of your blog. Whilst it’s great to have a vision or focus in your blog this can feel extremely limiting. If people like my style I must only talk about it! But dragging myself to right hundreds of words on every outfit was exhausting- and not what people want either. Instead I looked to the bloggers I follow and love- yes I love their style and the details and the outfits, but I more enjoy the posts where they’re sharing their thoughts or experiences- if I’m just there for the fashion i can click on the links and be happy but they offer something more than dragging out an outfit explanation. Instead of ramming myself into a niche I’m hoping i’m the niche- my voice, my lifestyle, my perspective. The words should flow from me not be squeezed out otherwise I’ll dip again and stop writing.
4. I’ve been uninspired
I put my hands up- your girl has been in a RUT. Through being busy at work, settled into a relationship and generally a lil lazy- I am not going out there finding inspiration. I’ve been waiting for it to come to me.
It’s now my mission to push myself to do more of what I love- see more, taste more, experience more. I also need to dream bigger! My writing is limited by myself refusing to think that I can be more than what I am. This is 100% a me problem so it’s also a me solution. But this is my public vow to stop spending my days off on the sofa, stop limiting my potential and stop being too concerned about what other people will think.
But staying accountable is one of the best ways to keep a resolution so if I dip- I trust y’all have my back.
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